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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.