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Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.