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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.