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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Word for the day is asstard
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.