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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.