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Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.