Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure