Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
I just awesomed all over the place.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.