Daily Silly Status

The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.

If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.

My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...

I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.

I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)

Any fool can use a computer ... Many do

Marriage: When dating goes too far.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.

3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.

I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"

A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"

Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about

My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.