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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
The problem with diets is pizza.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores