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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.