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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.