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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.