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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Marriage tip: Don`t
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.