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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?