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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
Honk if you wanna see the finger
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!