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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.