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There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
why me is me ?
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)