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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
I want it all and I want it delivered.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
I drink coffee for your protection.