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We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.