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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, Iām lucky I eat at all.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.