Daily Silly Status

I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|

Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.

When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?

I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"

I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.

Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.

finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?

Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.

My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.

I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy

Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.

Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!

Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?