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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
I self medicate, therefore you live.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.