Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.