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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
My anger management class pisses me off
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.