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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Serving size ?? LMAO
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.