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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.