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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!