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I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
Carfax but for people
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Bacon...need I say more
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.