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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.