Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
sleep is for people without netflix
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...