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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.