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When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.
Home is where the alcohol is.