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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"