Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.