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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.