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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
why do i feel like you are reading this
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.