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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Iād steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.