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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.