Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
The less you know, the more you think you do.