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Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook