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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone`s food pics and posting the calories.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.