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They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Save water, shower together.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.