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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.