Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
It takes balls to be a man.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!