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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.