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No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
I drink because people talk.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
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I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.