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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes