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My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.