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That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
I dare you to spit on this status.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.