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someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.