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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.