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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.