Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"