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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it