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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.