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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.